Say Again?

The sign on the hotel window says:

Please Close Window When Not In Use

Say again? It seems to me that when the window is closed, it is in use. It is keeping out the wind, and the rain, and the noise. When thw window is open, it isn't even a window, it's a hole. Holes have been around for hundreds of thousands of years, windows only since a week Tuesday. A hole is a necessary condition for a window. A window is not a necessary condition for a hole.

Mrs. Buce tries to be constructive. She suggests:

Please Close Window When You Leave the Room

This is a noble effort, but I am not sure it makes the point. I suspect they want you to keep the window closed even when you are in the room, unless--well, unless you want to have the window open.

A more logical possibility would be:

Please Open Window When Not In Use

But I don't think they mean to ask us to open the window. Anyway, if it open, it is not in use; they hardly need to say "please."

The same difficulties attend upon:

Please Close Window When In Use

Again, too polite and redundant.

A friendlier, more nuanced approach might be:

We Strong Urge You to Use the Window
Except When You Are Not Using It

This seems to cover everything, but there may be a loophole. Mrs. Buce, on sober second thought, suggests a thoroughgoing and comprehensive approach:

Please Close or Open Window
When In Use or Not In Use
As the Case May Be

There, that about gets it. Funny thing is, I think I understood the sign in the first place.