How I Destroyed Cleveland

John calls our attention to a Reuters story declaring that the most miserable city in the United States is (drum roll) Cleveland. Ah, poor Cleveland. It's been a long sometimes-slow decline from the time when Cleveland smugly proclaimed itself as the "Best Location in the Nation." And the person who set it all going was (another drum roll) me.

You mean I haven't told you how I destroyed Cleveland? Hang on a moment, this won't take long.

It was the fall of 1954. I had taken a menial (but no worse than I deserved) job as clerk in the grandly named "Cleveland Urban Renewal Agency"--an agency devoted, as they would tell anyone who would listen, to applying the therapy of Federal dollars against a multitude of urban ills. Granted that Cleveland was a thriving metropolis in those days, still it did have its ills. One of those most devoted to cleaning up the detritus of his beloved city was tht booster of booster, the Editor of the Cleveland Press, a guy named Louis B. Seltzer. (It was Seltzer who, with his great megaphone, almost single-handedly succeeded in packing the hapless Sam Sheppard off to prison for a murder he very likely did not commit, but that is another story and I digress...)

Anyway, back to the Urban Renewal Agency. There really wasn't a lot around the office I was competent to do, but they were stuck with me for the moment. Also on hand was a guy named Harvey who looked a bit like an imaginary rabbit. Trained but unlicensed as an architect, he did a bit of drafting, but like me, he seemed to have some surplus time on his hands.

But we're dealing with bureaucrats who exhibited a high sense of professionalism. They weren't going to let marginazl petty clerks idle around twiddling their thumbs. So every so often when our presence became intolerable, they would pack me and Harvey into a black government Chevvie and send us out on assignment.

Our target was "Area B." "Area B" was an area designated for annihilation and reconstruction, also known as "renewal" under our Federal program.--33d to 40th on the East Side, Woodland to Scoville. Harvey would drive and I would pack a clip-board, or vice versa. Our purpose was to make a "survey of dilapidation," which is to say we'd say "yep, that one is dilapidated, nope that one is not..." and so forth, with appropriate annotations in the clipboard file.

Re-enter Louis Seltzer, for whom urban renewal was almost as much a priority as felony murder. Next day, Seltzer's Press would bray "45.6 PERCENT OF AREA B HOMES DILAPIDATED, SURVEY SHOWS." "Survey" being, of course, Harvey and me in an government Chevvie.

I left Cleveland after a few months and I've never spent more than half a day there since. I gather that "Area B" was, in its own right, kind of a "success."--evidently they did bulldoze it, and evidently something else was built on the land. Best I can understand, though, there are other parts of Cleveland that urban renewal destroyed in the 50s/60s and and that have never really been put to use again. Shame to think it was all my fault.

Footnote: I find just a snippet of authoritative history on the issue here, at page 160.

Afterthought: Actually, I did spend just about half a day a few ago in the Asian art collection at the Cleveland Museum. Breathtaking, got to be one of the best in the world.