How to Solve the Piracy Problem

News: the Wichita Bureau has a bright idea. Okay, let me rephrase that--another bright idea. Anyway, here's how he would solve the piracy problem:

I think I see a relatively simple solution to the piracy problem. The ship owners are unwilling to pay for armed guards on their ships as the marginal cost of ransom is still smaller than hiring protection. It’s even cheaper when they can get insurance that will pay the ransom and spread it across the whole shipping industry.
We have a fair number of folks in this country who are quite good with weapons and are quite vocal about what to do about the pirates. It seems to me that the solution is to offer the gun owners free two week cruises in the Red Sea and Indian Ocean if they will bring their guns and mount watch on ships transiting the area. Many freighters have a couple of staterooms for passengers – it’s not first class but it would suffice.

Even if the ship-owners had to provide the weapons (getting an AK 47 on an international flight is almost impossible) and ammo, it would be fairly cheap.
Even better, offer free cruises (including airfare) to some of the organized militias in Idaho and Michigan if they will provide protection on ships transiting the danger zone.

Actually, I gather some of those staterooms are rather nice.

This Just In: Garden Gnomes

The Wichita bureau reads Der Spiegel so we don't have to and learns that garden gnomes are passé in Germany. At least the old ones (link). Thanks, John, sort of.

Two Bits, Four Bits, Six Bits...

The Wichita bureau goes all giggly over a headline that says:

Britain to Halve its Soldiers in Iraq

Sorry, I don't get it. Oh, now I get it. You mean, like "cutting each soldier in half." On the order of "drawing and quartering"--drawing and halving? Well, a fair point. It can mean that. Fact is, now that you point it out, I can't see what else it can mean. I guess "halve its forces" would have been different.

Happily, quartering of soldiers is barred by the Constitution. Nothing there that I can see about halving. Or drawing.

Some people just don't have enough to do with their time.

First-ever Underbelly Rapture Post

The Wichita Bureau thinks this is what the rapture will look like:

'
Me, I am one of those who thinks that the rapture has already happened, and we are the ones left behind.

For the full story, and more pictures, go here.