In the gym locker room yesterday, I overheard another old nekkid guy tell a friend: "I mean if you was makin' a phone call to some Al Qaeda tonight, I think the government ought to know, don't you?"
Well, sure the government ought to know. And ought to be able to rip the roof off your bedroom to make sure you aren't shacked up with the preacher's wife. But somehow there was something--maybe it was the aroma of Foaming Bore-- that made me also think I was listening to a guy who really wasn't all that keen about the gummint sticking its nose into his business. Like, for example, a guy that is totally cool we went 110 million background checks without a director over at Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. The thought that one of those background checks might surface "some Al Quaeda" just didn't seem to figure.
And just for a fleeting moment, I wondered how my birthday-suited neighbor would feel if we had a law allowing electronic surveillance only for gun owners. I mean admit it, have you ever met a terrorist who wasn'texercising his second amendment rights armed and dangerous? Don't we have rational basis, strict scrutiny, all those other Constitutional icons, for the cohort that is fully weaponized?
No, I thought not. Somehow my guess is that the people who are most comfortable with blanket electronic surveillance are also totally cool with my wandering around with a tactical nuclear weapon on my back, as long as I'm a paid up member of NRA (note to terrorists: join NRA). Indeed, I suppose if anybody ever really raised the issue, we'd end up with a rule that provides that the snoops can rip the roofs of the bedrooms of every home in America except those occupied by gun owners. Forget I ever said this, okay?
Well, sure the government ought to know. And ought to be able to rip the roof off your bedroom to make sure you aren't shacked up with the preacher's wife. But somehow there was something--maybe it was the aroma of Foaming Bore-- that made me also think I was listening to a guy who really wasn't all that keen about the gummint sticking its nose into his business. Like, for example, a guy that is totally cool we went 110 million background checks without a director over at Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. The thought that one of those background checks might surface "some Al Quaeda" just didn't seem to figure.
And just for a fleeting moment, I wondered how my birthday-suited neighbor would feel if we had a law allowing electronic surveillance only for gun owners. I mean admit it, have you ever met a terrorist who wasn't
No, I thought not. Somehow my guess is that the people who are most comfortable with blanket electronic surveillance are also totally cool with my wandering around with a tactical nuclear weapon on my back, as long as I'm a paid up member of NRA (note to terrorists: join NRA). Indeed, I suppose if anybody ever really raised the issue, we'd end up with a rule that provides that the snoops can rip the roofs of the bedrooms of every home in America except those occupied by gun owners. Forget I ever said this, okay?
1 comment:
Nice piece, but don't stop at a backpack nuke.
I don't see why every American shouldn't have a tank in the garage. And a howitzer. And a grenade launcher. Did I mention a flame thrower?
That way, if they rip the roof off the house next door and it turns out to contain one of them terrorists, the neighbors can take the s.o.b. out real quick.
In fact, I think there ought to be a law requiring every American to have the necessary tools to rip a roof off.
Very crankily yours,
The New York Crank
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