My friend Scott has a useful suggestion for neckties and Federal judges. I was a judge myself for a short time man years ago. Scott was my law clerk. I hate neckties—right now I own three, which is about two to many. But I felt that propriety required me to wear a tie in court, so I kept one on the hook behind the door and popped it on just before I made my appearance.
I suppose you could say this is a matter of taste, but don’t people understand that neckties cut off the blood flow to the brain? Which is why I am delighted to read that the European Union is thinking of outlawing ties. They call it an environmental measure—cut down on air conditioning and all that—but I dare to hope that it will mean an end to all the idiotic overregulation they seem to favor so much.
If we must be decorative, I really think we could do more with message tee-shirts. Yes, I realize that most of them are pretty dumb, but so are most neckties—a “Bong Hits for Jesus” tee-shirt is no dumber than a “Will You Kiss Me in the Dark, Baby?” light-up necktie. I’m willing to start the ball rolling by supplying the wife of every Republican presidential candidate with a tee that says “I’m with stupid.” Right now, I’m wearing a tee that I picked up last year at the New York City Opera: it says “The Most Happy Fella,” which captures the mood nicely (although I acknowledge that I did not wear the tee-shirt to the opera).
But anyway, Scott. He had no quarrel with my decision to go around tieless in chambers, but he did have what he thought to be a constructive suggestion. He noted that United Airlines supplied its counter clerks with clip-on ties. It was a safety measure, so that when the clerk said “We’re sorry, we seem to have sent your baggage to
Fn.: Looks like I'm not the only one (link). But I don't think I'm on videotape.